I have been asked many times over the last several months how I have been able to handle sitting in our house day after day waiting to feel normal. People have admitted that they would have gone nuts or psychotic by now. My response has been consistent in that I can only trust that the Lord has given me the strength, encouragement and ability to get through. Oh, I’m not saying that it’s been a picnic. There have been moments of self absorbed awareness that this could be my new life and I have complained in tears that I just want to feel good and have my life back. The moments of self loathing are short lived and it never fails that a friend calls or stops by to check in and through laughter my emotional breakdown subsides and I am reminded that I’ve wasted healing energy feeling sorry for myself.
As spring comes upon us here in the midwest and the snow melts, I look up at the trees seeing what seems to be a sight of destruction in their limbs. Unsightly bare twigs attached to trunks that almost look to be nimble and weak. Even though they seem to be unhealthy and unstable in appearance, I know that as the ground thaws and the water begins to seep into their roots they will come alive with running sap and nourishment that will allow the limbs to bud with new blooms of leaves and flowers. The birds will cradle their nests between the branches, laying their eggs and feeding their chicks. The squirrels will jump from branch to branch chasing one another in play. The blooming of the leaves will shade certain areas of the yard, offering protection for spring plants that can only thrive in the shaded warmth of summer. The once unsightly sign of cold winter days will disappear and the beauty of spring and summer colors will cover the landscape reminding me of God’s healing power.
This is the picture I have in my mind. The picture I have hope in when I feel despair and this is how I see myself in the days yet to come. I think of my illness as a season that will fade away into another season of life. A season that will bloom with healing. My body frail like the tree in fall and winter, waiting to bloom again with vibrance and agility in spring and summer. Rooted in the Spirit, Fed by the Word and thriving through the Grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise. ”