Lost in my thoughts….

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Uncle Ron… Gosh, I wish I had more pictures.

I haven’t written once again and although I consider it I am lost in my thoughts without much to say.

I recently commented to a few individuals I respect, how much I cannot understand the sin of the world.  It dumb founds me.  I mean, I know it is because of the fall of man yet I see so much evil and sin around me that I just have a difficult time understanding it or wrapping my head around it.   I think that’s why I haven’t been able to write.  I just cannot seem to say what I want to.

So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 1 John 4:16

As I sit here on this beautiful day, I praise God that my family is together, we respect one another, we praise and worship together and we stand by one another.  I thank God for saving me and capturing my heart, turning me away from the sin of the world and for saving my husband and children.  I know that we will make mistakes and be tempted as long as we are here on this earth, yet I also know that God has instilled in us the moral character of faithful Christians who will recognize temptation as it comes our way so that we will have the ability to turn away and turn toward Him.  Oh the blessing of His saving Grace and for His Word that sustains and leads.

Last night we said goodbye to another beloved family member.  It’s interesting how life works and how even when a loved one has turned away from God for the purpose of self indulgences, family still stands by out of love for that individual and can pray and weep in mourning together.   He may not have been perfect, he had his faults, yet he was loved by many.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Corinthians 13:7

Over the years I sat by and observed how my uncle loved his children and those around him.  He tried to be a part of their lives in so many ways.  His children unfortunately, no matter how hard he tried, walked away from him in either silence or defiance.  Their sin was repeatedly overlooked by him due to his love for them.  I never understood why he continued to try so hard only to be disappointed over and over.  In the last few years of his life, my uncle had let go of trying so hard and accepted his place in their lives, which by witnessing his lifestyle became apparent he had a hole in his heart he was trying to fill.

I was sitting here this afternoon, resting, eating my lunch, and watching the end of a movie, during which I was profoundly overcome with tears and joy over a discussion that took place in the movie.  Let me recap the conversation:

Man:  “Do you love me?”

Woman:  “What is your interest in me? What do you want?  I don’t get it?  I’m old, I’m broke, I can’t cook a decent meal, I’m fat…Why would you love a ruined person that ruins other people?”

Man:  “Is that it?  You think that because you screwed up once you don’t get a second chance?”

(Fast forward through the  description of his sinfulness of adultery etc.)

Man:  “My kids are still mad.  I get a calendar for Christmas.  It doesn’t matter if your kids love you or not…It’s not their job to love you….It’s your job to love them!  That’s why you were put here.  That’s why you’re their mom.  That’s why I’m my kids dad.  I love my kids so much….”

I thought of two things:

  1.  While my uncle had so may years of loving and forgiving his children for their own sin, his love for them was felt and known.  Whether or not they accepted it didn’t matter, they knew he loved them unconditionally.  He didn’t put prerequisites on their behavior in order for him to love them, he just did because he was their dad.   He forgave them time and time again, waiting patiently  for them to come to him while still showing them he loved them.  With sadness, he never got to witness their homecoming back into his life.  It was on his deathbed that one of his children stood over him holding his hand telling him he loved him.  His other child lives across the country so it’s unknown what their reaction was.  I am betting that there was soul searching and a broken heart.
  2.  I listened to the conversation, with ears hearing that of the Father who gave so much for his children out of unconditional love.    I know that the movie did not intend to portray that of scripture, yet for me it struck a chord and moved me to finally be able to write what I’m thinking.  As a parent, do we love our children unconditionally?  Do I love my children and look beyond their sin?  Do I show them how much I love them?   When I am departing this world will my children be able to say, “Mom loved me and gave me her all.  She wasn’t selfish in her own ambitions in life, she was not into self indulgences, she was a woman filled with the Word of God loving, serving and forgiving unconditionally”?

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  1John 4:7-11

I am sad for my uncle that he could not see how much his children loved him, yet, as spoken above, I think God has used and will continue to use the examples he set for others to perhaps take note and consider.   If not now, then perhaps when and or if the Lord calls them by name.   He loved unconditionally and he lived and died unknowing.  I will miss his love for my family, especially for my mom.  He was there for her from the beginning, always embracing the roll of the big brother,  protecting and supporting in some of her darkest moments of fear, rejection and loss.  His love for my own family over many years was amazing.  He took an interest….. I think that’s the part I have missed and will continue to miss the most.   I don’t know whether or not I will see my uncle again as I don’t know where he stood with God. Sadly he did not live a life dedicated to Jesus Christ according to His Word.  I only know that whatever relationship he had with God is between the two of them, and God has blessed me with the treasured memories of a predominantly selfless man that will have to last a lifetime.

Perhaps this is a bunch of jumbled thoughts to you dear reader, yet I hope that through my writing I have offered you something.  Either sparked a thought, sparked a conversation or sparked an interest in learning more of a loving Father and that in which we are created for on this earth.

The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.  1Timothy 1:5

Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.”  John 14:21

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