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Following in Faith, Why?

Where Is Our Focus?

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I have recently been in touch with some very old friends, and by old, I do not mean in age. They were people who touched my life many years ago of whom we lost touch due to the turning of everyday life. Women who brought me joy, laughter and the safety to be myself. These women have been not long forgotten, and the friendship misplaced for only a period of time. Although Facebook and social media brings challenges, it is also a place to reconnect. From new friends that are destined to be lifelong friends, to lifelong friends that are destined to be new. I am blessed to be able to say that God has been renewing my broken spirit and refilling my empty soul.

The last several years I have been feeling lost in the upheaval of our church, saying goodbye to friends, being the mom of adult children, and just the everyday disappointments of family, earthly life and expectations. Each day, for the last few years I found myself becoming more and more “aged” with critical judgements of all the things that “didn’t go my way” or the “way I thought they should be”.

The Lord was always near and waiting for me to pursue Him with not just my eyes in scripture, yet with my whole heart. Don’t get me wrong. My prayer life has never faltered and my faith never wavered. I just have felt a “quiet” in my heart, that I have not felt in a very long time. Being unable to dance through each day knowing that there is so much more to every day living on earth. Sin is ever rampant, not just in unbelievers, yet also within our Christian community, making my emptiness ever so exasperated and enlarged. I never ask “why God”, nor do I question His will. I do however, sit back, still as a chipmunk who is hunted by the cat, and stare off wondering when will enough be enough.

More recently, I have confessed to the Lord that I needed Him to close that gap and help me to seek Him without distraction. What the Lord did in answer to that prayer, was bring forth a friend of my past whose adult journey parallels in so many ways my own. Her faith has been unwavering. She is a woman of God who has been used to reach out to me, fulfilling that desired hope in human kindness, with a Godly perspective.

The Lord has also helped me to see how often Satan feeds my mind with lies. I have been lost in thought, in everyday life, and in “time consumers” rather than focusing on what is most important. I have felt lost in my worship due to so many unspoken circumstances. For me, it was the bringing forth a new friend who shares a bond of sisterly encouragement. The Lord shared with me, the comfort in knowing that the woman leading our group has a common bond through a bible study that I have so missed. In learning this, my heart warmed and I felt a peace I have not felt in years. The Lord has heard my prayers and has not disappointed. It’s all been in His timing, not that of my own. Praise God for His mercies. Relying on him and trusting in him is all he wants from us. As difficult as it is sometimes, we find peace in the most unexpected ways. He brings forth iron to sharpen iron in the middle of the tea party. He keeps that cup that is tipping from falling off the edge and fills it to the brim with weight that is immeasurable, keeping it stable.

Friend, are you lost in the busyness of life that you have not sought out the One true love of your life? Have you given your time to Him so that He can fill you with springs of living water? Are you nourished so that you may grow? Have you prayed for the Lord to bring you closeness with Him? I encourage you to take all of your cares, lay them at his feet and pray not for him to send you a savior, as you already have one in Jesus Christ, yet to pray that you can see the blessing in every circumstance and that if you are unable to see the blessing before you at this very moment, that you will be given the eyes to see it when the Lord is ready to show you. How about putting away social media long enough to refocus our attention on the one true media outlet that can change out lives, bring us peace and give us grace to overcome all that is before us on a daily basis.

For two dear friends, I am reminded of these verses.

Romans 8:26-30 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercede for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

Following in Faith

The Whole Armor of God

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Ephesians 6:10-18 (ESV)

The Whole Armor of God
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,

Following in Faith

Who Are You?

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I can remember in my younger years so desiring to be someone else.  I remember trying on several occasions to change my look, whether it was a new hair cut, new makeup, new clothes style, making friends with those I wouldn’t ordinarily choose to be friends  with or doing things and acting in ways that went beyond my personality.  I longed to have more friends and to be “popular”.  I was not very comfortable in my own skin so to speak.  In middle school I was taller than most of the other girls, and I did not spend the majority of my time in the bathroom doing my hair as the other girls did.  That being said, I remember the day I suddenly drew the attention of my classmates.  At the time I thought it was fabulous and I felt like I finally fit in.  Only in adulthood have I acknowledged that  I was becoming someone that I was not intended to be.  It was a long journey of trying to figure out who I truly was, yet thirty five years after that day,  I can say that I know who I am and I embrace it all.

Yes, even through illness, loss, grief, and often times loneliness, I embrace knowing that I can just be myself.  It’s rather freeing to not have to try to live by todays standards.  I don’t need a lot of friends to define who I am, and at times, I even leave the house without any makeup not caring about impressing anyone.  I find that the most important things in life are not found in the joys of earthly pleasures and in the view of those who subject themselves to secular viewpoints. I take joy in the fact that I am a wife, mother, sister in Christ to a great many who are like minded, and I am most of all a child of God.   I have hope in something greater than this world and a confidence in knowing that grace is promised to those whom have been called out of this life of sin.

As my daughter and I stayed home today due to her upcoming surgery and not wanting to subject her body to germs that she wouldn’t be exposed to if she stayed at home, we listened to the sermon from last week that we missed.  I was struck at God’s providential care in our walk with him and his encouragement in arranging this quiet time with Him, the message spoken and the tie in with my book study that I did  with a friend yesterday.

The message was based on 1Peter 1:13-16 and entitled Just Be Yourself.   (crbc.us sermons 9/18/2016)

“Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.  As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

In obedience, we are to be who we are called to be, leaving behind the passions of our old selves (“Ephesians 4:21-24  assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.)  so that we will have the hope (confidence) in grace (salvation)”.  What a wonderful, freeing, feeling it is to know that God has chosen for me who I am supposed to be.  I do not need to try to be someone else.  I do not need to fit into this world because I am not of this world.  (John 15:16   “You did not choose me, but I chose you… John 15:19   …because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world….”)  I accept that I am a child of God’s, destined to live a holy life before him, with contentment and thanksgiving.

Our study yesterday discussed the motivation of how to stay obedient in holiness, tying in nicely with the sermon.  Every child needs instruction and direction.  I am no different and neither are those who are predestined to serve in holiness.  (Ephesians 1:11   “In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will”)

Our book (The Hole In Our Holiness) gave us a few ways the Bible motivates us to continue in our pursuit of holiness.  One of the questions asked us to identify which of them was meaningful to our individual needs living in a world of sin.  Mine were the following:

God knows all and sees all.  (Eccles. 12:14  “For God will bring every deed into judgement, with every secret thing, whether good or evil”)

If every child knew that their parent was watching, would they try to do the opposite of what they were instructed to do?  My guess is that they would not and if they did, they would know that there would be a punishment waiting them.  Maybe they would think that the sin of disobedience would be worth the punishment.  Knowing that God’s punishment is death should make all christians reconsider that which they think they do in secret is actually in secret.

Assurance.  (2Peter 1:10  “Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to confirm you calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall”)

Knowing with surety that God has called me out of a life of sin keeps me humbled in obedience to his word.  For not everyone has been blessed with the knowledge of their own salvation as we know that there is no double predestination. Due to the fall of man through the sin of Adam, we are all at birth destined for death, yet through the calling of the Lord Jesus Christ there are those who are predestined  to be a part of life everlasting with him.

The world is not our home.  (1Peter 2:11  “Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul”)

Pilgrims in a world  that does not understand.  Our time here is temporary.  Our permanent home is with the Lord.  An eternity serving a God who took mercy on his people to give them life.   Abstaining from the passions of the flesh is not easy as temptation today is far greater with technology, yet preparing our minds and hearts through the studying of the Word is our short leash to staying on the right path.

For the sake of our prayers. (1Peter 3:7  “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered”)

Living a hopeful life, following the words of a gracious God so that He may be glorified and we may be made righteous in his sight.  Marriage is not easy and life in this world is not easy.  However, by staying the course with love and understanding we are reminded of the joyful blessings that are shared.  Just as a couple becomes one in marriage, they become one with Christ.

The futility of sin.  (Matthew 6:27  “And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?”)

Do we really need to worry about that which we cannot control.  Our time should be spent in grateful prayers of thanksgiving for that which we have been blessed, leaving all of the “stuff” behind.

The folly of sin.  (Matthew 7:26-27  “And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.  And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”)

The fall is not temporal.  The fall is eternal and is spent in the flames of hell rather than an eternal life of glory with the Lord.

The promise of future judgment.  (Romans 12:19  “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord'”)

God’s wrath is much greater than that which we could ever dream.  He gives the ultimate judgment over the sin abiding in this world.

The fear of future judgment.  (Hebrews 10:26-27  “For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries.”)

This does not need any explanation!

The fear of the Lord.  (2Corinthians 5:11a  “Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others.”)

We witness to those whom we love in hopes that they too will be called unto the Lord.  We know that the loving God so many talk about today is also a god of judgment and wrath.  Believers should not tempt the will of the Lord with gross misconduct in backslidden behavior just to appease the world we live in.  We should be the witness to the light that shines from following Him.

The love of the Lord.  (1John 4:11  “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another”)

Loving our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ is not just a suggestion but a command.

For the glory of God.  (1 Corinthians 6:19-20  “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?  You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.  So glorify god in your body.”)

Taking care to not sin and to praise the Lord of whom gave much to give us life.

Fullness of joy.  (John 15:10-11  “If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.  These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full”)

JOY….to have joy in the Lord, in prayer and in ALL circumstances.  No matter what!  Finding the peace within ourselves to be joyful in the blessings that are not our own.  Through pain, illness, despair, loss, and storms that rage around us.

Our union with Christ.  (Romans 6:5-6  “For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.  We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.”) 

Oh to not be enslaved to sin.  To not be bound by the chains that cause strife and death.  Could any blessings be better?

I pray reader that you have read through all that I have shared in my journey and that you have been blessed this day with the words of the Lord.  I pray that you will joyfully praise  the loving God who has given you life and blessed you with the following of this blog.  Thank you for joining me down this path toward salvation.

 

Following in Faith

Clinging to the only Peace that can Sustain

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During times of disbelief over things of this world, I cling to the word more than any other time.  My prayer life seems to consume more minutes of my days than anything else.  I lay awake at night in prayerful thought, consideration and more desperation for the Lord Jesus Christ to hear my prayer.  At times I feel as though I am pleading for His will to line up with my hopes.  In the end, I trust He knows what’s best and He will take care to bring me closer to Him in my thoughts, and also in my prayers.

Psalm 119: 49-56

Remember you word to your servant, in which you have made me hope.  This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise give me life.  The insolent utterly deride me, but I do not turn away from your law.  When I think of you rules from of old, I take comfort, O Lord.  Hot indignation seizes me because of the wicked, who forsake your law.  Your statutes have been my songs in the house of my sojourning.  I remember your name in the night, O Lord, and keep your law.  This blessing has fallen to me that I have kept your precepts.

As a great deal has plagued my thoughts and rocked my world this past two weeks, I find peace in Him and in the promises yet to come.  I find grace in the promises already given and I find hope in a creator who is perfect in every possible way.

Where do you find peace?  Do you look for worldly wonders and human nature to give you peace?  Or do you seek Jesus and the Word to sustain and keep you?  Again I ask, Where do You find peace?

 

Following in Faith, Why?

Sufficiency of God

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God’s care for his people is sufficient!  There can be no doubt.  Joy comes from knowing who He is, what He has done for us, what he has provided for us, and what we have to look forward to in serving Him.    I sat in amazement the other night in church as the teaching was on Approaching God from Psalm 131.  It was a very nice follow up to what I had previously that morning posted on my blog.  It wrapped up my thoughts and was like a gift handed back.  I just had to share it here with you.  Hope you will take the time to listen.

Lymes

There Is Hope and Help…

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For many of us with Lyme disease, it’s so difficult for others to understand.  One minute we are doing everything that seems “normal” and the next we are in crash mode.  Our bodies just don’t operate with any consistency.  As I watched Under Our Skin again last week, I was reminded of how so many of us outwardly look “normal” to others, yet inside we are writhing in pain, exhaustion, and discomfort.  What is seen on the outside is quite different than what is going on inside.  While the outside looks content and at peace, on the inside there is a battle.  A battle of immunity vs. borreliosis.  A battle that isn’t won by either, as long as there is treatment, yet a battle that drags on without end in sight, so it would seem.  One side trying to overtake the other.

I remember watching the attached when I was early diagnosed and I wept.  I wept thinking there was not an end in sight for me either and that I would be just as bad as Krista.  Fortunately, at the end of the story, I found hope and was encouraged to look toward healing with a positive attitude.  It reminded me that what I was experiencing was nothing in comparison.  I looked at her age and thanked God that I had achieved 20+ years longer than she before crashing.  Her story is quite extreme, with some additional co-infections that riddled her body for several years prior to them finding out the cause.  It’s difficult to watch, yet it’s so real.  Her story is similar to Julie’s, in my last post, in that their co-infections and symptoms mimic one another.  If, you have the heart to watch, please do so with tissue and with the reminder that there is healing.

Lyme is nothing to mess around with, yet it is not something to be terrified of.  With the rates rising of Lyme disease, everyone should be aware of what kind of symptoms can be observed from just a tiny little tick.  The bacteria that can make a body deteriorate quickly may be small, yet they are definitely a large scale concern.  I encourage everyone to please understand Lyme, it’s affects on the body, learn how to recognize the symptoms early.  Before thousands of dollars are spent on trying to come up with a diagnosis.

Please remember also, when someone is diagnosed with Lyme, we don’t want to be defined by it, yet we want people to understand that every day is a balancing act.  Every day is a new day.  We cling to hope, even though we get frustrated, and we pray knowing that only God will get us through.  With my own experience with Lyme, I have said that I hope I can help someone else someday.  I hope that my own journey will be an example to someone else in a positive sense and that none of what I have experienced will be wasted.   Just as Krista has endured and shared, she also has educated which is what I am trying to do as well with this blog.   Thanks for taking the time to read and to watch.

Lymes, Why?

A Story of Faith and Determination

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I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praises to your name, O Most High. (Psalm 9:1-2)

Giving thanks to the Lord, how sweet is my soul that I have the ability and the freedom to do so. Have you ever thought about how incredible it is to thank Him? To thank the one who has given so much more than we can imagine, without seeing, only knowing. To think about the incredible blessings that have been bestowed on this lowly being brings joy to my heart.

I have had problems writing on my blog the past week and therefore I am late in writing to you all. This is now May and it is Lyme Awareness Month. I have asked a few to share their stories and there are more that I would like to repost here for all to read. Think of it as an opportunity to be educated on this very real illness that plagues so many.

To start, I thought I would begin with my own story.

In July of 2013, I was very busy gardening in my own yard, working at a farm an hours drive away, and also sharing and working a large garden with a friend living 30 minutes from our home in the opposite direction. Previous to my full blown symptoms, I was noticing that I was having some balancing issues. I would step into the garden and sway slightly almost losing my balance. The first time it happened I didn’t think much of it, then it happened a few more times, giving me pause to wonder. I then woke up one morning early to mid July and as I walked down the stairs, I felt as though my foot was dragging. I had to keep looking down to make sure my foot was on the step. This continued for two weeks before I began to really get concerned. At about this same time, I also began to feel very tired. Who wouldn’t…I mean, all I did was work outside, travel with the kids and the band and try to keep up with cooking and housework. Every week I ran around non stop. The exhaustion however, took on a whole new level of “tired” when I would nap on the couch only to have my eyes feel like they were glued shut and I had to physically pull them open. My body also was physically unable to move. I could hear everything, and wanted so badly to communicate with others yet my exhaustion was so bad that I couldnt’ even form complete sentences. I wondered if I had had a stroke.

When the chills set in and the pain in my body was so bad that my husband couldn’t even hold my hand without me feeling like I wanted to scream I knew it was time to call the doctor. I gave her all my symptoms and she recommended two tests, a test to look into Rheumatoid arthritis and another for Lyme disease. What? Lyme? We pray for a gent at church who we rarely see because his symptoms are so bad with Lyme. So we ran both tests, and the Lyme was positive. The symptoms I was experiencing were more late stage Lyme, and in conferred with my doctor I requested a more natural approach to healing. Things began to make sense with the research I had been doing. Symptoms that were unexplainable for so many years. Was there finally a diagnosis?

I had at an early age, pains that would go up and down my legs throwing me into a tizzy because the pain was just awful. It was thought maybe they were growing pains or a mineral deficiency. Nothing would help them. I used to try hot baths, hot tub soaks, bananas for potassium, Tylenol, Alleve, the list goes on. I am now wondering if that could have been the start. I mean, we played in the woods all the time. The girl across the street had a tick on her head. They were definitely around. From the research I was learning that Lyme can lie dormant for not only months yet also years.

The summer after 8th grade, we had taken a trip to the east coast. When we were in Maine, I had an episode that had me nearly collapsing and my dad carried me back to the camper so that I could rest. Yes, we were camping in the east. Hmmmm….

In high school I began having what was diagnosed as superventricular tachycardia’s. At first we thought I was hyperventilating. Having them through college and early into my marriage, I finally had a heart ablation to alleviate the symptoms. CAUSE? Unknown! Amazingly these symptoms began the school year after the summer trip out east. Another hmmmm….

Before homeschooling, the kids were in public school. I was there nearly everyday volunteering in some capacity. I used the bathroom one day and about 2-3 weeks later I noticed a rash ring on my leg. Now, it wasn’t too high up my thigh, yet it was a ring. I actually thought it could be ring worm and I treated it and didn’t think about it again. Something to note is that this was also during the time that I would run the trail which was in the woods at our lake cottage.

About a year later I began noticing my energy levels dropping, I was feeling some of those pains again that I had had in my earlier years and I was just generally not feeling well. I also started gaining weight which I could not lose. I laugh that I was a weight watchers drop out. I went for three months, followed their diet and exercise plan only to gain weight. WHAT? Yes, I gained weight. WW had worked for me in the past so what in the world was going on now? I found an internist that tested me for Rheumatoid, fibromyalgia, thyroid and more only to receive results that were inconclusive.

Fast forward to our current home three years here. I found an integrative doctor who tested me again for the above, only this time with proper testing, found that I was in fact hypothyroid, I had cortisol issues, my adrenals were on shut down, and not only was our son celiac, we all tested positive! Mine turned out to show I was severely. Three of us also tested positive for food intolerance’s.

Hence, the reason the doctor and I both agreed that all of my above issues were likely the symptoms of the underlying issue, Lyme disease. It’s not too difficult to believe when you begin to read about Lyme and the symptoms that have plagued others for years. I must have either been bitten again, triggering a full blown Lyme reaction or my immune system and adrenals just could not cope with my activity level that summer. I had showed my son a deer tick that I found while gardening…guess I should also have checked over my body when we were done. Ironically, that was the same summer that our son had 4 rounds of strep back to back. Coincidence? I think not! Especially since both of us got sick after that little tick show and tell moment.

In all I spent 10 months battling fatigue, brain fog, speech issues, memory loss, extreme daily pain, loss of balance, tinnitus, hearing sensitivity and multiple co-infections and viruses that attacked my body. I could not walk down the driveway and had to use a wheelchair for any distances longer than a few yards, I could not walk up the stairs at night without almost passing out, I was unable to bend over to pick something up without losing my breath and almost passing out, I was falling asleep at 5 at night only to wake up at 2 with insomnia and then would fall asleep at 6 or 7 in the morning without waking up until 10. When I would lay down for a nap, my eyes felt like someone had sewed them shut and yet I could hear everything going on around me. I remember telling my husband that I wondered if that’s what it’s like for someone whose comatose. To hear everything and wanting to speak out yet not being able to.

One virus I acquired attacked my heart and I was told complete bed rest was necessary. The virus I had actually has 6 strains, of which I had tested positive for 5 of the six. If I wanted to make dinner, I was to have others wash veggies, cut them and all I was allowed to do was put it into the oven or give directions. I was showering every few days when I had the energy to actually do so, I wasn’t able to speak clearly when I was tired as I sounded like I was inebriated, I would try at times to talk to my family or friends and the words would just not formulate in my brain. I would forget names of people that I’ve known most of my life and I couldn’t remember the names of items or things, like trees or squirrels.

To friends and family it was the most shocking thing to watch, and for me I was determined to survive. When I was able, I read and studied as much as I could about the bacteria that had changed my life. I was determined to educate myself and my family so that we could all understand and cope together. I was also determined to overcome and I prayed daily that the Lord would heal me and use what I had been through to help others. I studied God’s word knowing that His truth would set me free from the bondage that I was experiencing. That my experience and what I had learned would be of value in helping others to heal. The experience of keeping my head up and remembering God’s grace in my life and His healing power was something I held onto and hoped others would see. I prayed that nothing our family was going through would be wasted, only that we would be able to encourage others, from the side of the patient to that of the caretaker.

Without failure, Gods plan and blessing for our family was for remission and for enough healing that life has become a little more normal. It is not what it once was, yet it is definitely better than what it had been. I still have moments of brain fog when I’m tired, I still have exhaustion when I do more than I should, and I still have pain as well when the weather is changing. My immunity is terrible and I catch everything I’m exposed too. Living in a bubble is not an option. The tinnitus in my ears is becoming the new normal and the change in my eyesight has me slightly troubled, yet I will not fret.

This blog began when I needed something to do to keep my mind active. It has become an avenue for me to share what I know to be a help for others. I have met and prayed for so many affected by Lyme the past few years, and I praise God for the opportunity to understand it and learn. Education isn’t cheap, and trust me when I tell you that my medical bills and supplement bills monthly/bi-monthly speak to that. I do however value that education that I have been given and I see it as part of God’s plan to help others in their own healing. I do keep in mind that you can lead a horse to water, you cannot however make him drink it. Every person with a debilitating illness and unknown or questionable diagnosis has their own decisions to make in their healthcare. For me and for my family, we continually ask the big question….why? For every symptom, there is a cause. Nearly all causes are bacterial, viral or parasitic. Which one is the cause and what the adequate treatment plan should be is the challenge. Finding the right doctor that will hear what you have to say and that will educate himself/herself are the doctors that I find to be the ones pioneering in the healing of Lyme.

I hope to continue sharing information, educational materials and other stories of faith and healing in dealing with Lyme disease this month. If you are a Lyme warrior, please email me your story and let’s share with others how to cope. Keep in mind, you are not alone.

Remember, this disease is estimated to surpass breast cancer. You will or do know someone who is affected.

Following in Faith

Seeking Life or Death ?

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Over the past year and a half, I’ve used my blog as a tool to express my thoughts, my recipes, my frustrations etc.  It was an avenue to express myself and to have communication with others when I otherwise felt alone and secluded.   I have met many other wonderful bloggers who have since become my friends.  Two of those delightful friends had recently inquired about my blogging as it seems I have nearly fallen off the “grid”.  My posts have become less in frequency and not quite  full of “heart”.  My excuse, if there is one,  is that I have been pondering a great amount lately.  Much of which I have chosen to keep unwaveringly close to the breast so to speak.  I have not felt inspired, nor have I felt that I had anything worth contributing.  That is until today….

Much of what has been on my mind has been about parenting, being a wife, a daughter and a friend and being a woman of God.  Am I doing a good job?  Am I standing up for what we as a Christian family believe in?  Am I acting as a worthy steward and servant that  gives glory to our Father?  Am I all that I need to be?  As I ponder all of these questions and consider how to put into words my thoughts, I glanced up at my husbands book shelf and see a book called Decisions, Decisions by Dave Swavely.  That’s it!  For the past few months I have been considering not all of the above, but “decisions”.    Decisions based on every area of my life and in every aspect of every relationship I have.  Decisions that always have an outcome and a consequence.  Decisions that affect everything and anyone in the path of their being made.  That being said, my mind swirled with inspiration and I feel like I have something to contribute.

I have always told my children two things, delivery will get you every time and make sure that whatever you do in life you are an upright moral human being serving God first and doing the best you can at whatever it is you do.  Doing that will ensure your success in a world that has become immune to insanity, adultery, murder, idol worship, acceptance, and sin.  Knowing what it says in 1 John 2:15-17  Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. 17 And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

As I look around at my own personal relationships, whether it be with my children, my spouse, my parents, friends and neighbors, I realize that even the smallest decision I make in those relationships can have an impact in the future.  That impact can either play out in a positive way or in a negative way.  It all depends upon how and I why I make certain decisions to begin with.  Was I making the decision based on self gratification?  Was I making the decision based on guilt?  Was I making a decision on resentment or out of anger?  Was I making a decision that was for someone else?  And finally, what was it that provoked a decision to be made and how did I come to that decision?  What avenue did I seek out in making that decision?  Did I consult with others?  Did I have a knee jerk reaction and make a decision based on an incident without knowing all the facts?  Did I take it to the One that called me out of this world to serve?  Did I pray about it and seek out His counsel?  So many things to consider when making a decision.  I wonder how many people actually consider their decision making and the outcomes that may follow based on their reasoning for their decisions.

For me, I ponder my own decisions in this life and to a  fault I have also pondered decisions that others have made for the themselves.  That is what troubles my inner being and something that I am delighted to report I have been praying over.  Decisions that seem so small can have a large impact in the end, with some very disturbing consequences.   As I began reading the aforementioned  book above, the author wrote If you are a believer in Christ, the resulting effects in your life should not be your only motivation, or even your primary one, to make good decisions.  Taking 2 Corinthians 5:6-10 into account about the judgment that holds us accountable in decisions we make.  So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, 7 for we walk by faith, not by sight. 8 Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9 So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. 10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.  The apostle Paul does not only speak to the Corinthians, he speaks also to us.  He reminds us that our salvation came at a price and that although we are saved by grace, we are also judged according to our behavior and the decisions we make.  A consideration that worldly viewpoints overlook.  Although, we as Christians understand that God has not revealed His truth to those who are held captive to their blindness.  To no fault of their own, their decisions that are decapitating to self are inevitable.

What about a Christian who claims himself saved and is trying to follow God?  Sometimes it is the shame of our churches and leadership that they are not guiding their flocks in the truth of the gospel.  With all of the “extras” to get numbers in the door, they fail to teach the word as it is written.  Adding in man made “traditions” and “additions” to aspire to others that “Christ loves everyone”.   I have been one of those Christians.  I have walked in those shoes.  I have through the grace of God been pulled out of heresy and been shown that only God’s Word stands true.  The Bible is more than just a book to read on Sunday, it is the creators instruction book to an everlasting life.  Not to be changed to suit a sermon, nor added to or taken away to fulfill numbers.  It is a way of life that needs to be taken seriously.

It is with great hope and prayer that  if you have chosen to read to the end, that you will consider, as I have,  all of the decisions you make in your life.  That you will consider prayer first, asking God for guidance and trusting in Him to have a better plan than the one you may think you need.  Keeping with the Spirit, seeking out what scripture says on the matter and realizing the truth behind decision making.  Asking the why and taking into consideration how.

Following in Faith, Lymes, Why?

Reflection and Progression

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Picture taken from Omnibus III
Picture taken from Omnibus III

Romans 8:25
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. 

Sitting in a chair facing my friend, who sits reclined back comfortably in her recliner we discuss our new book and what a wonderful author John Bunyan is.  His incredible allegory of the walk of a Christian in Pilgrims Progress. We usually meet once a week at her home (she is completely home bound and unable to do anything for herself anymore) and read a chapter or two of a book.  This week, we began a new book and because we both were enjoying it so much, decided to throw in a second day.  Our visits over the last 6 months have been pretty much the same, we visit first, her husband sweetly confirms she is comfortable and as he exits to his “man cave” office, she and I share a little more of our week and I begin to read.

As we began our new book, we were thrown a curve ball.  I began reading and when I finished page 16, I began reading what I thought was page 17 only to realize that the story didn’t make any sense at all.  I looked up to see that the page after 16 was actually page 23. Now, keep in mind that I cannot read on my own without having to read one page several times due to my Lymes and my friend cannot read at all and depending upon the day may have issues with processing information due to her corticobasil degeneration.  That being said, you can just imagine my dismay to find that in a neatly hardbound book there were no pages ripped out and yet pages 17-22 were missing.  We both sat there laughing not quite sure what to do.  We quickly realized that our time together that day may be cut short by a error in the binding of the book.

Upon further investigation, I found the rest of the pages… 10 pages further into the book.  So, as if it isn’t funny enough that we are reading Pilgrims Progress together, both of us having cognitive issues and both of us being more tired in the afternoon, I now was challenged with reading from right to left rather than left to right and my friend had to endure me stopping at critical parts of the story just to find my place.  Honestly, I kept thinking it would have made for a great home video recording.

Well, as it is with my memory these days, I completely forgot this when I went over to read to her the second day.  So of course, I began reading where I left off and of course ended up reading some of what we had already read earlier in the week amongst the new pages of the story.  Once again, we had to laugh and I had to regroup and figure out where my next pages were.  Were they 10 pages forward or 2 pages back.

Having Lyme makes life so interesting!  Seriously, I can relate to the frustration that was felt in the movie Still Alice… I am physically so much better than last year that I am not complaining at all.  Last year at this time I could not walk up a flight of steps without nearly passing out and I could not do anything for myself except maybe a shower, and that was not daily as I just didn’t have the energy for it.  I was in constant pain, my exhaustion was unexplainable and my energy level was at best good for only about an hour.  By mid afternoon my brain was so foggy that I could not process information, I was unable to drive as I forgot where I was going and when I drove I completely blanked out and couldn’t remember I had driven at all.  To go anywhere that needed walking I had to use a wheelchair.

After 10 months I had serious doubts I’d recover from this illness. You can imagine my my excitement when I found the doctor and protocol I had been looking for since being first diagnosed.  So in early May, my Integrative doctor agreed to let me try the protocol of the other doctor I found and by June I was going to the Highland games with the family and the wheelchair stayed in the garage.  I’m not saying it didn’t need to be brought out from time to time, but overall I was seeing improvements.  By July I was able to make an 8 hour drive to our cottage alone with my daughter and by September I was driving to CA with the kids.  The pain subsided within that first month and slowly my energy level began to increase.  The brain fog has also improved, unless of course I am extremely tired and have not slept well.  Learning my limitations, keeping track of my symptoms and making adjustments with my meds has been such a help.  Having two doctors who look beyond, listen to me with all ears and keep an open mind to the research I also do has been a blessing.

Your likely wondering why I went from reading Pilgrims Progress to my health.  Well, as we read on Thursday, I couldn’t help but to think about the characters in the story, what they stood for and how even though the book was first published in 1678, the allegory is so powerful for us today.  No wonder it is the second most widely published book in world to this day, second only to the Bible.  Although I enjoyed the book a few years ago when the kids and I read it together and studied it, I think after the last year I am enjoying it even more.

On Thursday we read about Christian meeting the Interpreter and what he finds in the Palace prior to going any further on his journey.  Within the Palace there are a number of rooms.  One of the rooms was rather small and introduced were two children, Passion and Patience.  The characteristics of the two were such:

Passion was seen as being discontent; wanting of all things now, and at that moment Patience was quiet; willing to wait for that which is yet to come

In the story, the Interpreter explains:   “These two lads are Figures; Passion of the men of this World, and Patience of the men of That which is to come:  For as here thou seest, Passion will have all now, this year; that is to say, in this world;  so are the men of this world:  they must have all their good things now, they cannot stay till next year, that is, until the next World, for their portion of good.  That proverb, A Bird in the Hand is worth two in the Bush, is of more authority with them, than are all the Divine testimonies of the Good of the World to come.  But as thou sawest, that he had quickly lavished all away, and had presently left him nothing but rags; so will it be with all such men at the End of this world.  

Christian replies:  Now I see that Patience has the best Wisdom, and that upon many accounts.  1.  Because he stays  for the best things.  2.  And also because he will have the Glory of his, when the other has nothing but rags.

Interpreter:  Nay, you may add another, to wit, the Glory of the next World will never wear out; but these are suddenly gone.  Therefore Passion had not so much reason to laugh at Patience, because he had his good things first, as Patience will have to laugh at Passion, because he had his best things last; for first must give place to last, because last must have its time to come; but last gives place to nothing; for there is not another to succeed:  He therefore that hath his portion first, must needs have a Time to spend it; but he that has his portion last, must have it lastingly:  Therefore it is said of Dives, In thy Lifetime thou receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things; but now he is comforted, and thou are tormented.

Christian:  Then I perceive it is not best to covet things that are now, but to wait for things to come.  

And in conclusion, I want to end with the beginning of what Interpreter has to say next:  “You say truth:  For the things that are seen are Temporal; but the things that are not seen are Eternal:  

I have to admit that last year when I was diagnosed, I wanted my body to heal and for my life to go back as it used to be.  I wanted to go back to being the super mom who could get up in the morning, make breakfast, school the kids, drive them around town for their activities, pull weeds out of the garden, help my friends paint their houses, stop for groceries and spend long hours in the kitchen preparing dinners for my family, all in one day.  I wanted to be able to plan out events for the homeschool community or prepare classes as I once had in our co-op classes.  I wanted to be organized without losing things.  I wanted healing at that moment.  I tried to be patient, and I even prayed that the Lord use my illness for His good will.  Yet internally, my mind wanted desperately to have my life back.

In reading the above exchange between Christian and Interpreter, I was seeing myself as being like that of Passion.  Although my heart longs to be more like Patience, I know that my human nature as a sinner is more like that of Passion.  As the months drew on and  now another year, I am learning more and more the importance of the lessons of Patience.  The story has resonated in my mind ever since our reading on Thursday and I know it’s through the Providence of God that He continues to teach this weary being of lessons He needs for me to learn, sanctifying me so that perfection may still yet be seen.

If I had received the blessing of quick healing, would I have followed the leading of my heart to go see my friend who was already home bound?  Would I have understood what it was like for those who have no or limited social interaction with others?  Would I be reading Pilgrims Progress with a friend who needs to be reminded of the eternal blessings yet to come?  Would I have understood that I truly had sisters that took time out of their days to help me cope in my own loneliness?

Honestly, I think not.  If God had allowed me to follow my own way, just as Passion, then I am quite certain my short lived illness would have been placed in a box on a shelf where dust would settle only to be forgotten.  I would have gone on with my days wanting to be something more and someone more than I am meant to be.  I would have likely filled my days with things that have no real meaning other than for self.  My friend would still be sitting in her recliner, yet I would have missed the blessings of seeing her smile, her sense of humor with her husband and our wonderful discussions that come out of our readings.  I would have missed an opportunity to serve another who was and is desperate for her own healing and for understanding as to why her life has taken the turn it has.

As I continue to read through Pilgrims Progress I look forward to seeing what the Lord once again has to show me.  I hope that as you read this post, you too may consider reading along with us.  I promise, you will not be disappointed.

Luke 8:15
As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.

 

Following in Faith

Abiding in His Love

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But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 2Corinthians 4:7-11

I’ve written it before, and I think it needs to be the reminder in our home right now.  Praise God for the glory of His word to teach us, build our character, shape us, and connect us to Him.

For the love of God is eternal, unconditional, just and perfect!  May we always remember, live by, abide by and stand firm in His word.