Relationships | Sherry's A Labour of Love

Over the past year and a half, I’ve used my blog as a tool to express my thoughts, my recipes, my frustrations etc. It was an avenue to express myself and to have communication with others when I otherwise felt alone and secluded. I have met many other wonderful bloggers who have since become my friends. Two of those delightful friends had recently inquired about my blogging as it seems I have nearly fallen off the “grid”. My posts have become less in frequency and not quite full of “heart”. My excuse, if there is one, is that I have been pondering a great amount lately. Much of which I have chosen to keep unwaveringly close to the breast so to speak. I have not felt inspired, nor have I felt that I had anything worth contributing. That is until today….

Much of what has been on my mind has been about parenting, being a wife, a daughter and a friend and being a woman of God. Am I doing a good job? Am I standing up for what we as a Christian family believe in? Am I acting as a worthy steward and servant that gives glory to our Father? Am I all that I need to be? As I ponder all of these questions and consider how to put into words my thoughts, I glanced up at my husbands book shelf and see a book called Decisions, Decisions by Dave Swavely. That’s it! For the past few months I have been considering not all of the above, but “decisions”. Decisions based on every area of my life and in every aspect of every relationship I have. Decisions that always have an outcome and a consequence. Decisions that affect everything and anyone in the path of their being made. That being said, my mind swirled with inspiration and I feel like I have something to contribute.

I have always told my children two things, delivery will get you every time and make sure that whatever you do in life you are an upright moral human being serving God first and doing the best you can at whatever it is you do. Doing that will ensure your success in a world that has become immune to insanity, adultery, murder, idol worship, acceptance, and sin. Knowing what it says in 1 John 2:15-17 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. 17 And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

As I look around at my own personal relationships, whether it be with my children, my spouse, my parents, friends and neighbors, I realize that even the smallest decision I make in those relationships can have an impact in the future. That impact can either play out in a positive way or in a negative way. It all depends upon how and I why I make certain decisions to begin with. Was I making the decision based on self gratification? Was I making the decision based on guilt? Was I making a decision on resentment or out of anger? Was I making a decision that was for someone else? And finally, what was it that provoked a decision to be made and how did I come to that decision? What avenue did I seek out in making that decision? Did I consult with others? Did I have a knee jerk reaction and make a decision based on an incident without knowing all the facts? Did I take it to the One that called me out of this world to serve? Did I pray about it and seek out His counsel? So many things to consider when making a decision. I wonder how many people actually consider their decision making and the outcomes that may follow based on their reasoning for their decisions.

For me, I ponder my own decisions in this life and to a fault I have also pondered decisions that others have made for the themselves. That is what troubles my inner being and something that I am delighted to report I have been praying over. Decisions that seem so small can have a large impact in the end, with some very disturbing consequences. As I began reading the aforementioned book above, the author wrote If you are a believer in Christ, the resulting effects in your life should not be your only motivation, or even your primary one, to make good decisions. Taking 2 Corinthians 5:6-10 into account about the judgment that holds us accountable in decisions we make. So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, 7 for we walk by faith, not by sight. 8 Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 9 So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. 10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil. The apostle Paul does not only speak to the Corinthians, he speaks also to us. He reminds us that our salvation came at a price and that although we are saved by grace, we are also judged according to our behavior and the decisions we make. A consideration that worldly viewpoints overlook. Although, we as Christians understand that God has not revealed His truth to those who are held captive to their blindness. To no fault of their own, their decisions that are decapitating to self are inevitable.

What about a Christian who claims himself saved and is trying to follow God? Sometimes it is the shame of our churches and leadership that they are not guiding their flocks in the truth of the gospel. With all of the “extras” to get numbers in the door, they fail to teach the word as it is written. Adding in man made “traditions” and “additions” to aspire to others that “Christ loves everyone”. I have been one of those Christians. I have walked in those shoes. I have through the grace of God been pulled out of heresy and been shown that only God’s Word stands true. The Bible is more than just a book to read on Sunday, it is the creators instruction book to an everlasting life. Not to be changed to suit a sermon, nor added to or taken away to fulfill numbers. It is a way of life that needs to be taken seriously.

It is with great hope and prayer that if you have chosen to read to the end, that you will consider, as I have, all of the decisions you make in your life. That you will consider prayer first, asking God for guidance and trusting in Him to have a better plan than the one you may think you need. Keeping with the Spirit, seeking out what scripture says on the matter and realizing the truth behind decision making. Asking the why and taking into consideration how.

Bliss? Well, let’s just say it’s been a journey and no it has not always been bliss. Why do I say that? Because I looked up the word bliss in the dictionary and it says “extreme happiness”. Marriage is not always “extremely happy” and I do not know one person that can say that theirs is. In fact, it’s a lot of work, it’s painful at times and the reality of marriage is not as romantic as the movies would like to portray.

Have you seen the statistics? It’s shocking and honestly a bit sad. There are several things lacking in our society today that contribute to the declining of marriage. One being that society thrives on ease. “Bliss” is expected in everything that is done and if it’s not experienced then one walks away and looks for it elsewhere. You know the saying, “The grass is greener on the other side”. Children are growing up in today’s world without having to work for anything. There are trophies for each player even if they are bench warmers, there are gimmicks and commercials glamorizing immoral behavior and acceptance for mediocracy is tolerated. If something is too hard, then rules are changed to make it easier. There is no longer parental respect and the word “no” to a child is nearing child abuse status.

The second issue is that God is no longer a daily figure in the lives of most families or households. Divorce no longer follows biblical application and adultery is as common and accepted as feeding the pet. Getting married is no longer a bond between a man a woman based on God’s design, it’s a romantic idea of a future that just doesn’t exist. Seriously, does anyone stand at the alter and realize that in a few years they will have screaming kids, burning pots on the stove and a stressed out husband that walks in the door to find his once beautiful wife standing at the door with a desperate look on her face that just screams “Help me now, I’m drowning”? The Proverbs 31:10-31 wife is looked at today as a pitiful figure who has no ambition beyond the front door, therefore she must be uneducated or have a controlling husband.

Why do I feel I have the ability to say anything? I feel that 20 years of watching friends and family go through divorces, raising children, and working hard for our marriage warrants at least an opinion. The last 20 years has not been bliss, yet it’s been a wonderful example of what can be accomplished when two people who love one another unconditionally put in the effort and work hard for a common goal. The power of prayer and having God in our marriage has also been an example to our children that will prayerfully carry through many generations yet to come.

As we celebrate 20 years today, it’s been fun to glance through the wedding album and see loved ones who have come and gone in our lives. Looking at how young we once were and how gray we are today. Seeing old friends who age just as well as you… ha ha ha

Gary asked me last weekend if I wanted to plan the next 20 and I told him no. I think we are doing just fine swinging by the seat of our pants. Besides, it’s more fun allowing God to plan out our future. How can we be disappointed when He’s done such a great job thus far.

A few notes and memories to share:

To the husband of my youth, the love of my life, and my forever best friend… I love you and I thank you for all the twists and turns that have made us what we are today. Thank you for the fun dinner… who else could try rattlesnake rabbit sausage on their 20th anniversary. (it really wasn’t very good honey, sorry!)

I thank God also for the strength, wisdom and mercy that has allowed us to come together, stay together and be an example to those who who need encouragement in their marriage. I also thank Him for wonderful God loving God fearing children who have blessed our marriage.

I thank my parents and in law’s for teaching Gary and I to work hard at all we do, never giving up on the hard things of life, and keeping their arms open when we’ve gone astray. Thank you for your support in our marriage the last 20 years.

I thank my and Gary’s grandparents for the wonderful examples of the marital promise, “till death do us part”.

I thank also the friends that stick with us through thick and thin, through moves, illnesses, and loss of family. (what is that on your head?) ha

20 years of bliss? I would rather say:
20 years of educating ourselves on agape love through the eyes of the Lord
20 years of ups and downs twists and turns
20 years of growing gray in wisdom with someone else whose faults are equal to yours
20 years of watching time tick by knowing that you are more fortunate than someone else who doesn’t have what you have
20 years of living with someone that can bring out the best and worst of you, yet who can also love you like no other
20 years of looking forward